TV recaps, Entertainment, & Pop Culture
It’s time for another episode of Bachelor Winter Games and I’m not ready. I’m not recovered from Tuesday’s episode, and it’s weird watching Bachelor stuff on a Thursday when I should be getting my TGIT on.
We have a few couples already in the house, and everyone is going after the next date card.
Ashley I is still lusting over Kevin when he clearly is with Bibi and my hatred of Ashley continues.
Clare is in a love triangle with Christian and Benoit and I hate Clare too. She is too old for this franchise and the botox in her face is appalling.
Luke & Stassi (??) are bonding over their literal broken hearts; they both had heart problems and I guess medical issues bring people together.
The next competition is speed skating and Lesley is out here talking how she’s going to trip Rebecca — which I’m for because I love Lesley and need to see as much of her and Dean as possible.
Kevin is a sick athlete and I’m so confused as to how he is even allowed on this game. He’s like a real Olympian!
Side note: I didn’t watch Ben’s season of The Bachelor but I am obsessed with him. He is such a cutie!!!
After the first quarter challenges, Chris Harrison says that all the people who came in last place are competing for the date card, which is very fair seeming as none of these people are actual athletes.
Dean wins the guy’s date card, and the women’s card goes too Stassi.
There’s a new guy at the house from New Zealand when the group gets back to the house, and it doesn’t seem to be going well.
I missed the whole New Zealand guy thing because I was in the shower but I came back at to Stassi taking Luke on a date, and then Ashley I and Kevin talking.
He says that he likes Ashley I, even though him and Bibi went out and have a connection. He’s shocked that she’s been on Paradise twice, and honestly, so am I. I didn’t know that.
Ashley’s face annoys me; I know that’s shallow of me but IDGAF. Her nose, her eyes, her mouth — just STOP.
Now, Kevin has broken up with Bibi for Ashley and I want to claw my eyes out.
I missed a few more minutes, sorry I just can’t with this show, and I walk in to be Dean being a fuckboy again.
He’s being indecisive and wants to see what his options are but Lesley lays down the law and says if he doesn’t say he wants her, she’s gone.
He then gives her his date card, and honestly, we know how this works out. They’re currently together and that’s not a spoiler because E! reported on it a few weeks ago.
Bibana moved onto the New Zealand guy and I’m so happy for her! Justice for BIBI! New Zealand guy is named Jordan.
First up is Dean & Lesley’s date; the are so cute, it makes my heart hurt. It looks like it’s fake snowing and I’m v confused.
They’re going tubing, and Dean is just so cute and I cannot handle it. They’re holding hands, he buckles her helmet onto her head, it’s just adorable. I want to date Dean.
He lifts her up and they kiss and it’s just adorable.
Luke & Stassi are going in a wood burning hot tub and Luke is reminded of his date with Jojo, which is interesting. He says that they have a more emotional connection than him and Jojo.
Now we’re back with Lesley & Dean; he says it’s hard for him to open up to people and it has complicated things in the past. He only wants Lesley and he wants to take things slow, but he only wants her. ADORABLE! That a boy Dean! Be a man, communicate to your lady! That’s how it’s done!
Bibi & Jordan kiss and it’s so cute! I like them a lot.. they’re almost like an odd couple but not really. Very interesting!
It looks like Clare is playing Benoit and he’s not here for it. Stand up for yourself, dude. Fuck Clare!
They’re arguing about how many times they kissed and he says that when he kisses someone, it means nothing but it’s not the same for Clare because she’s also into Christian. I’m not sure where they ended up.
Oh shit, it ends up with Benoit going home!!! Wow, he really liked Clare and only wanted her. Poor kid. He said he wasn’t here for the money or the competition but to find love.
He leaves, and Clare immediately begins fighting with Christian. I’m pretty sure they’re fighting about a jacuzzi. I’m confused.
We’re at the rose ceremony and Harrison is explaining the rules; the guys hand out the roses and only girls are going home. Ok, we got some order back! I didn’t like the Survivor type of vote off last episode.
Now, all the couples are rushing together to make sure they’re on the same page.
Some Australian chick Tiffany, who I have never seen before, is jealous of Ashley & Kevin’s relationship. She thought she had a connection with him because they talked for a few minutes.
Now she’s crying and feels like she missed out on the chance because she wasn’t as forward. I am SO CONFUSED. Where is this coming from??
Clare & Christian are still fighting because he feels that because she likes other men she’s not sincere, but they legit haven’t even kissed. This dude is INSANE.
She says that she wouldn’t take the rose if Christian offers it to her and will go home. Dam, this is heating up.
Ok, the Rose Ceremony starts. Two people I have never seen before are up first.
Luke gives his rose to Stassi; Jordan gives his to Bibi, Josiah & Ally; Dean and Lesley, OBVI. Kevin + Ashley.
Ben gives his rose to Yuki, the Japanese girl who doesn’t speak English. I am v confused by that. Michael (who the FUCK is Michael) is up next and he gives his rose to Tiffany, the chick who was crying over Kevin.
I DON’T KNOW WHO ANYONE IS. THIS IS HARD.
Christian is giving out the final rose, and he gives it to Clare. She accepts, even though she bullshitted us and told us she wouldn’t accept it. What a LIAR.
Everyone is legit paired off faster than Paradise. I am SHOOK.
Rebecca & Jenny are going home, and I don’t know who they are either.
Jojo & Rachel show up next episode and I am ready for them to spice things up.
I’ll see you Monday for the hometown Arie recap, which should be interesting, boring, and frustrating at the same time.